Thursday, December 21, 2006

Fear Of Starting Something NEW

When I was on campus we had a very bad placement yr but I was dead sure that I only wanted one company and got that; I am sparing the intricacies though thats worth another Blog ...
So against EVERYONE's better thoughts and wishes I joined this securities house; initially when I told my friends and relatives that I work in a securities house; they linked it to doorman security and lockers and stuff; so I changed it to Equity Markets and that didnt help.
Anyways the point is that I was 23 young at heart and out to see what I can do; and things happened I swtiched my job profile in the same company some 4/5 times and ALWAYS picked up something that never existed; like we never did Mid Cap stock picking; so I along with 1 more colleague started it; then did a similar thing for Sales; then after setting up the salesdesk; created my erstwihle company;s first foreign sales desk and then went on to set up their first offshore office in Sg.
Now I am wroking with a French Bank (& thats another story) in HK and setting up their India desk; now the problem comes in ... its like I have been working for 4 years w/o having a base at all; so if tomorrow someon asks me what all have you done; I say look above ... rather read above but havent got anything to show it with.
And the worst part is that now I am in a field that I honestly dont know anything about and so at times I get scared and really really worried that fuck did I do the right thin in moving out of Sg where I was like being treated like a King for the work I did.
I famously believe in the "frog in the well" story and in the line that "kill complacency before it kills you"; but have I this time taken a much larger risk that I was ready for?
I know I will have to learn and learn I will; but now the Fear Of Starting Something New is settling in; and I need to kill it before it enlarges.

I see my ex colleagues and some of my ex batchmates and think that yeah well I am better off at least I didnt shut myself to opportunities when I was 24 and I am 27 now ... and I dont want to but you know how it can be; I need to kill this fear before it enlarges; so any suggestion guys?

Those who know me; know that I am not boasting; neither am I trying to sound like Alice in Wonderland but trust me when you take risks like these you need to know how much water runs below your feet.
So let me know what you think?

Cheers!

1 comment:

Zee said...

one thing to remember: they wouldn't have taken u had they thot u were a misfit. they obviously took u coz they saw ur potential to fit in and more importantly the potential to contribute. if you feel like u're lacking both, don't be hard on urself. it'll come....
two, u're in a great job, a great learning field......so even if u're scared and feel like u're going nowhere, trust me, u're learning enuff to build ur career from hereon
chill winston!